Exams are still far. And I wonder when they'll finally end! I mean whatever in hell was I thinking..going from being a Biology expert (self-acclaimed) to Maths..to finally making up my mind to doing this. Now, all I have to do is to start ALL over again from the basics of the new set of subjects I have picked up for myself to bring myself at par with my counterparts, who, lucky or not, were NOT a confused mass of protoplasm that could not bring itself to decide what it really wanted to do, neither could stick to choices made earlier. Hmph.
I'm so bored, I could compete for the Guinness Book Title for the 'Most Bored Person', if there is one. Is there?
And the lazy one too. I can't bring myself to go out for a jog, even though, thanks Mom, but I do realize that I've already gained back 2 of the 4 kilos I lost a month before. The so-called great-crier is too lazy to cry even.
I miss my normal hyper - excited self. My inner-self is so much at calm, it's beginning to irritate my inner-inner-self. I don't crib, don't shriek the loudest shriek when I find my brother coming out of nowhere, trying to scare me with a "Boww!" (As in, you know, cow says 'Moo', dog says 'Bow-Wow'. I think it's more of a Bhaoowww--oooo--ooooowwww in life out of nursery kids' "Who says what" book.) because he doesn't do that anymore. Apparently he's too grown up for that. I'm not mad at anyone. I don't want to let anyone die a dog's death, kutte ki maut, you know. Also, as much as I love Shah rukh and as much as I'll miss seeing him cheering Kolkatta Knight Riders play in Feroz Shah Kotla grounds, I'm not banging my head against the hardest wall OR crying OR plotting whoever-decided-to-have-no-IPL-in-India's murder. I'm just sad. It's a shame though that we can't have security for both the Elections and IPL.
Got my hair cut yesterday. And the best compliment I got was from a random guy from my coaching class who, addressing his friend, random guy 2 from coaching class, said something that went like - "Yaar ye toh galat baat hai. Ladkiyon ko kuch bhi pehnado, smart hi lagti hain!" as I passed by. Bleh. Can't deny the sudden urge to turn around and tell him in-his-face it was the hair, not the clothes, dammit!
My Income Tax teacher stopped me on my way back to tell me how sure he was that I could easily achieve a good rank in my tests in November if I studied well. I hate pressure of performance.
The cute guy next door (the five-year old one) finally gave up his act of being a self - absorbed, snobbish little kid and waved back at me for the first time ever! I don't think he talks.
No one called up to wish me on my 20th birthday. Damn it, my very own parents even won't wish me. Because..I was 20 years old and that is why, no one wanted to have me in their lives anymore. These dreams are bloody sucking (extra emphasis on the 'k') dreams that really don't have any meanings, you know. I wish I could have that dream in which I was Krisshh just one last time.
I've lost my 'Company and Compensation Laws' book. And as each day passes, I gain more and more inspiration to invent that 'Google machine/robot' that knows everything, can answer all questions. I could feed in the particulars of my book then and it could find it for me.
I'm more distracted than ever. I just DON'T want to study. And I don't want to go to my parents asking for help as I already know what they'll say. Meditation, Pranayam, Blah.
Wow!! That was my first extreme reaction in days!
P.S.: Do shut off all lights in support of the Earth Hour today for one hour - 8.30 to 9.30 p.m.
And unsettled part continues..
2 weeks ago