And now, John can hate me forever..

OK, I have to get this out!! I just saw 'the ugliest thing ever', a few days back!! No, it's not him in the pic. It's the ugliest I could find on google.


I was going to attend a class and I took the same route as always. But there it was! And I don't know why, but it seems to me that it could have been a ghost or a something else than a dog. It did not look real from any angle. It could NOT have been stray! He was way too 'fit' to let the other normal stray dogs survive!! No, it couldn't have been real! I only saw him once. What irks me more is that the next time I was passing the same place, I was with my mother and unconsciously pushed her to that side of the road..err..footpath where I saw him. I'd wanted to show her that there's always a solid reason for my a-tad-too-often bouts of hyper-activity and obssesive behaviour(!) as she calls it, and as usually happens with me, it wasn't there! I don't have proof. And fottuu? What are you talking about? Did I mention that it was the HUGEST too. With freakishly long legs (uh? limbs?)!!! And not even sexy ones, I tell you!! So, all I say is that it was, in fact, the ugliest, freakiest, spookiest, weirdest, umm..obnoxiousest? dog ever!!!

So this ugliest, weirdest thing ever turned out to be the patheticest too. I don't know why, but I can't seem to get the image of him (his proud stance and his dirty long greyish legs all dirty) out of my head! The moment I find something 'disgusting' , it's there in my head with all sorts of MS Powerpoint 2007 'custom animation effects' playing with it!

I've always been scared of dogs, unlike my brother who used to follow them around and cause my parents much trouble because they looked like his favourite 'bhediyas' in Mowgli pretty much. Then there came a time, when I started hating them from the core of my heart and when it became clear to me that they're all like Mojo Jojo(s). All they've ever wanted is to eat up all the humans alive so that they can rule the world. And trust me, guys, those who own dogs, tommy is going to eat you up and soon. You won't even live long enough to say "Et tu, Brute!". So much for your faith in their loyalty. Trust me, it's gonna happen and soon.

Karan Johar, who seems to have realized this is even making a movie called 'Koochie Koochie Hota Hai' with dogs as the main characters of the most amazing movie ever. As if all this butter-baazi with the dogs is gonna save him when his time comes.

They've made me weak and perpetually scared when out alone. My younger brother tells me to 'grow up'. My mother sees a little good in it since I only recite the 'Gayathri Mantra' full-speed when I see a dog. So, the Gods have conspired to keep sending them my way. Hmph.

But, worst of all, they've even made me vulnerable in not a good way. Some ten days back, I was standing outside my insitute at a photocopy shop to get a copy of the notes I'd missed taking since I was busy reading 'The Bridget Jones' Diary' in class. Enter dirty stray dog. They recognize my smell. And off I go with the super fast version of 'Gayathri Mantra' and the next thing I know, I'm suddenly trying to grab the arm of a guy friend I'd known for some 15 odd days and blabbering "listen..listen..listen.."... He's confused. Double Personality Syndrome? What? And then, as expected, bursts out laughing. Damn. I mean, damn. He didn't even have to work for it! THAT is what they've done to me. The bloody hounds.

If you've known me for more than a year, there are chances you might've heard THE story. The HATRED ORIGINS. The prequel. And there are chances you might have heard it more than you'd have liked.

So, I was 12 and I loved to bicycle which is exactly what I was doing when this particular black bitch (No, literally) thought it okay to block my way and just stand there and do nothing but stare at me. And I really don't know what I'd done to deserve this sorta behaviour. I mean, I never played with her children. Those pups were seriously gross. It wasn't them. They were born dogs and that's what they were destined to remain forever. She was known to be a mad one and all.

Like in all the other important stories, 'Maa' played an important role in this one as well. I remembered what my mother had advised me to do when I encounter such a situation and I did just that. I pretended to pick up a stone from the road. It had absolutely no effect on her. She was motionless, still staring and frankly, really scary. So, I tried the same technique again and again for some time till I ran out of patience and actually picked up a stone. No, I wasn't throwing it at her or something. I just picked it up. JUST THAT.

And I don't recollect who moved first but all of a sudden, I was running to save my life with my much faster, much stronger predator after me!!! God bless all the cacti plants outside my house for saving my life!! Because I fell straight into them and despite being the bitch (again, literally. I've given up abuses for good.) she was, she ran away. I don't know what exactly scared her more. The thorns adorning both my legs or those in the pots! Of course, I had to bear with the torture of a few tetanus injections here and there that my mother, who's a doctor, put me through using her universally-known supposedly-gentle-technique.

So spare me all dog-lovers. I don't buy your 'Kuch nahi kahega' attitude.

John recently mentioned in his HT City Column that he has developed hatred for a fellow female co-star(!) since the time she said something like "I WANT ALL THE DOGS KILLED...AAAAARGHHH!!!" because he's a true animal lover and supports animal rights and wears a PETA T-shirt cause it's pink and blah. Ah, whatever. I can be an actress too matlab 'cause I carry the same view!! YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!