Sunday, April 19, 2009

I-Pee-Hell is SO ON!!


Even though I'm sure as hell that an evil someone is piercing holes in a Voodoo doll version of me at a point very close to the edge (the one to the left side of the arm if I keep it palm-up and to the right side if I keep it knuckles-up) of the elbow hinge of my left arm and a point in my head right above my right ear, I still believe in the existence of a divine superpower, jinhe hum pyaar se, God bolte hain.

I know he's watching me. My every move. I knew it three winks after my freak accident last week when I fell straight on my back and my head and the back side of my limbs and all things in between from a swing at 1.00 a.m. in the morning. Why I was having a nice time doing a Tarzan at the swings at 1 in the morning is remotely important in this context. That it happened within a moment of me uttering just-a-little bad something for someone really bad is what is important. And I swear that was what made me see God - if only for a second there, in a ring of birds, twittering and multi-colored stars, revolving, right above my head, smiling that 'I told you so!' smile, I can tell you he was there. Just FYI, he's got a makeover..nomore looks the way he used to in the Bruce Almighty times. (And YAY!! I got pictures!!! :D :D :D See below.)
It was right there and then that I fully realized the greatness of God eyes - that could see ALL, every damn thing and all, at every single moment. Watching you, they're judging you, calculating and updating your Karma index on god(t)witter.com mini-mini-mini second by mini-mini-mini second and sure as hell, clearing your accounts bit by bit. As my thoughts flew in the direction of Mr. Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle, it suddenly rang a bell as to why he could not accurately measure the momentum and position of an electron in motion at one single moment. Because, however much we may think of ourselves, we are, still, humans, petty earthlings.



You publicly insult Sunil Gavaskar, an elder, apart from being one of the greatest cricketers in the history of Indian cricketers and even though you may have been one of the biggest idols of someone with a heart as pure as pure pasteurized milk for a very very very long time, payback is coming after you. And payback is a biatch, as we very well know. Your very own cricket team may ditch you on the field and bad. Your only two chances at scoring runs - Chrissy baby and Sir Mc Cullum may be out and about in no time. Your almost-captain dada may oh-so-unpredictably(NOT!!) get out in his most favorite caught-behind-the-wicket way, leaving you thinking why he wasted that many balls when that's all he could really end up doing. Howzzat??! Worse, you may even lose by eight wickets to last season's BIGGEST LOSERS in your very first match of I-Pee-Hell 2009!

Kal kya hoga kisko pata....















(To be continued...)



P.S.: I'm still a Shahrukh fan somewhere deep deep deep deep deep down..He just deserves this kinda spanking for his most recent slip-up!

P.P.S.: WOOT!! WOOOT!!!! DELHI DAREDEVILS WON AND HOW!!!!! WOOT!!! WOOT!! WOOOOOOOT!!!!

P.P.P.S.: Damn!! My head!! Just hit the ceiling..now this Voodoo doll thing is driving me crazy!!!!!


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Grrr..

I can't sleep!! And yes, for those who have doubts, I do sleep!! Not the mosquitoes this time. No sir, they've well been taken care of by ALL-OUT (with extra MMR). It is that time of the year again when I'm reeeeally missing Rahul, the guy who does the annual servicing of our Air Conditioners! But, it's not that either!

My sleep has been broken!!!! I hate sleep-breakers!!! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!!! Cause you don't want what happens next...But, you've dunnit..you've just hit the right button..and it's coming..you know that..


*HATE FUMES *


I've been hit by blank calls!! I mean, for God's sake, it was okay during the day..but 1:30 in the morning..Grr..PEOPLE SLEEP DAMMIT!! Go, go!!..tell all your bat friends about it!!

If this is the same sick person who, not long ago, pledged to mess with my peace of mind,"Tsch Tsch" for falling to such levels"!!!! SLEEP BREAKING??? You are sure going to bloody bloody HELL, dude!! Also, "Uh, Uh!"..you ain't even close! Know why?

I was tempted to put this particular number up here..but, guess what, I'm not that mean, evil, mad, deranged, out-of-his/her-mind-person that you are, now..am I?

So..GO!! Whoever you are..I set you free!!

I forgive..and yeah, that was my peace of mind speaking for me!! HELL YEAH, I'm a Taurean and I'm hard. You hit me harder and you'll bounce off to undiscovered universes, I promise ya.

Grr..

It is about time that the world saw the birth of GOD yet again..Evil people need to die and soon.

STOP MESSING WITH THE ZOHAN, EVERYONE!!

Grr..

P.S.:- Blank calls?? I mean reeeally..!! They're so out of fashion. Haven't you heard...missed calls are the new blank calls!!

P.P.S.: Zohan is me.

*Yawn*

Wow..I'm yawning! See how forgiving I am?

Monday, April 13, 2009

ALL about handbags!


"Kuch khaas hai...kuch khaas hai...Kya yehi pyaar hai(?)..Kya yehiiiiii pyaaaaaar haaiii!!! Pyaar hai..shaayad! Ok, I'll just call up Gerard and tell him 'm in love with someone else!"

"So, she's hot, huh?? No no, I'm not talking about my bike (who's a female, FYI) in some freak-ish manner..calling it my first love!! I'm in love with handbags!! I'm obsessed!! Hope Bips won't mind...She was cool with the bikes, you know!! "

"WHAT??!! Did you say handbags?? Yes, I want them..I'm drooling all over em already!! Jaane Tuuu...yaaa Jaane Naa..*chokes and dies*"

"Yeah, I usually write great stuff...but this week, I just can't think of anything other than handbags!! Okay, don't complain..you still have the Sanghvi-licious Veer Sanghvi's article on "Rude Food" to read about!!"

"WoW!!!! I'm puking handbags!!!! AWESOMENESS..."

- - - - Extracts from the personal diaries of Priyanka Chopra, John Abraham, Imran Khan, Seema Goswami and Siya (in that order).

(Click on the links to read their articles!)

P.S.: Hindustantimes.com is yet to upload John's and Seema Goswami's column!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My day in the sun.

I wake up in the morning
And enter the shower
I step out of the bathroom
Only after an hour

I'm drunk on music
I'm smelling of flowers
I'm so full of ideas
Oh, how I love to shower!

I put on my new clothes
There's nothing like pink!
I love the way I look
I give the mirror a wink

It's a great hair day
I let them hang loose
My birthday's in May
Cool, it's getting close!

Humming a love song...
I'm lost
"You're taking so long!!"
"Mumma, don't be so cross!!"

Kajal and Lip gloss
"Mom! I'm almost done!"
Shoes and socks
And I'm out in the sun!

A hip, a hop, a hippety-hop
Today's gonna be my day!
A hip, a hop, a hippety-hop
Hey world, I'm the Deejay!


-------------


My tee is pink no more
My voice hath gone sore
I can't see..what's in my eye!
Oh, wait..am I gonna die?

Sweat, dust, sweat, dust
Why, GOD?? WHY???
I'm tanned, I'm graveled!!
I'm brave, I'm not gonna cry!!

The sun hath no mercy
But, where's the ozone layer?
Oh, wait..that's gone
If only I'd have cared!

They've dug wire graves
all round the city
They say underground wires
will improve connectivity.

Waiting.. the graves are puking dust all around
The wire corpses ditched
..for some never come..
Or was it MCD who broke a promise? Hounds!
And so went my day in the sun..


P.S.: If you were looking for a message in the poem (I prefer to call it a song), I'm sorry, there is none. Just a bad day. X(




Sunday, April 5, 2009

Can't be miss India?? Insane!! X(

Since the time I was six-ish, I SO DESPERATELY wanted to be Miss Universe. I know one has to be Miss India first. But still! I had this HUGE collection of all the photos of Indian Beauty Queens that appeared in Newspapers, magazines, anywhere which my mum eventually made me throw away while clearing stuff in my room..I don't throw stuff you know..But that's besides the point! The main point is, Imagine my shock when I just discovered two minutes back that even to be a petty "mystique Miss NCR 2009", the eligibility criteria for sending in photos is that you should be 5"3 or taller!! THAT SUCKS!! Even though, I don't really want to be a beauty queen now..not that I can't be (:P)..Does this mean, short people are worthless..not worthy of representing India at an international platform?? Especially..since Indians are not Australians..we aren't very tall in general!! Tell you what, stupid beauty queen contests, it's just the other way round, the shorter ones are way smarter than the taller ones. I have no reason of saying that and it may make no sense to you at all..but It's MY BLOG!! And as a sign of protest, I'm not watching the crowning ceremony that'll be aired tonight for the first time since I was six-ish! Boo.

OMG!! This sucks!! No, I suckk!!

Shit, I've been on the net all day.. and I'm supposed to be studyin! Just not feeling like it..

Anyway, thank you janta for all your opinions!! Shit, the comment part..I DON'T KNOW what to do to fix it!! I suck at these things!! So..I guess there's a curse..I can never get a new template..

Let it be this one only for a while..till the time I figure out what to do!

The reason I'm back here..I just had a very very narrow escape.. Since my mum called two hours ago to tell me that the MAD Surd electrician is coming home to fix a couple of things..I was like NOO!! Because this man..I tell you..he's a nightmare..! Some people..they have this overwhelming ability to dominate everyone..to feel they own every bit of land they step upon..it's scary!! He's a MAD man..and a really funny mad man!! He's just blabbering out stuff..and he's going on and on and on and on and on!!!! Now that my dadi has taken over..talking to him..I'm free!! yipppeee!!More on this later..


Gotta go..study!! :D

Friday, April 3, 2009

100 things I know about me :P

Okay ..so FINALLY do I get to do it (Since I've already done all the boring things boring bored people do for fun - updating my picture collage-have added pictures of Tom Cruise and Jaycee Chan to it! I'm so boring prouda it. He he :D ) ..Tadaaaaa.....My first tag!!!! Isha !!!! Thank you so much girl for tagging me !! :) :D


1. Last drink: Ice cold water to check whether or not I'm in a dream. Have slept so much today..the delusion won't go. ;-) No, that was just to shake myself outta sleep.
2. Last phone call :My besht friend since class second! Probably wanted to tell me about another guy who asked her out. Has been happening a lot these days! Engineering students are such despos, I tell you. :P I told her to let me sleep in peace. Hehe..sorry yaar.
3. Last text message: Last one I got was from an unknown number and I know who it is..one who's taken upon himself to disturb my peace of mind as a challenge. Such a sucker! Doesn't know I know. Not happening, dude.
4. Last song you listened to: 'She will be loved' by Maroon 5 on Amith's blog. God, I love the song!
5. Last time you cried: Right after I wrote my last post. Don't ask why.

HAVE YOU EVER...
6. Dated someone twice:No.
7.Been cheated on? No.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? No. *Yawn*
9. Lost someone special? Not really.
10. Been depressed? Um. *clearing her throat* DUH!!
11. Been drunk and threw up? No. *Yawns some more*

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Purple. D-UH.
13. Blue.
14. Pink. D-UUH.
15. Black.

FIRSTS :
16. Made new friends: Um, sorry? Which time period is this exactly referring to?
17. Fallen out of love: Ditto what Isha said. ;)
18. Laughed until you cried: Not really...tears are only an expression of sadness or anger in my case..
19. Met someone who changed you: In a great way, Shimak Davar!!! Have feet will dance. Went from an all-time football playing tomboy to little miss dancing shoes! :D :D :D
20. Found out who your true friends were: :) Yep.
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah. It's seriously so much fun..having people bitch about you. Haha.

HAVE YOU:
22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Heh. I like this tag.
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of em!
24. How many kids do you want to have: Two.
25. Do you have any pets: No. I hate pets and dogs and all animals!!! Ughh.
26. Do you want to change your name: i LOVE my name!! I love myself!! Muhahahaha(Mugambo laugh)
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Started with me crying about turning 19 ..and writing a long crib entry in my personal diary. Then, had a very pleasant surprise visit by a really close friend!! Had lots of awesome chocolate cake and..bought myself a pretty bag from dilli-haat!
28.What time did you wake up today: 9.00 a.m.
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing Word Challenge on Facebook. :D
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: My studies to get over!!!!
31. Last time you saw your father: Couple of hours back.
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I could stop talking about all the things I WANT to do and start doing them! stop being lazy.
33. Most visited web page: www.facebook.com - all the games - 'word challenge' and 'guess the sketch'!! Gosh, I'm SO addicted!

WHAT'S YOUR:
34. Name: Not giving that away yet. Siya for you! ;-)
35. Nicknames: Hehe..that would clearly give away my name!
36. Zodiac sign: Taurus
37. Male or female or transgender: Female
38. Elementary:Too much information!
39. School: Delhi Public School, RKP. Yes, the infamous one. Proud as I am, couldn't skip this one!
40. Colleges: Um, since it would take a lot to explain, let's skip it!
41.Hair color: Black. Ah, I love my hair!
42. Long or short: If I stretch my arm to go over my shoulder on to my back, I can touch the end of them with my fingertips. Is that long?
43. Height: 5 feet one(and a half) inch. And yet, I could ring all the bells in the mandir I visited today. I love the mandir! I love myself! Muhahahahahahahaha(Mugambo khusssh huaa!)
44. Do you have a crush on someone? Ranbir Kapoor!!! Man, is he hawwt!! *wicked smile*
45. Ever been in love? Um, I think so.
46. Piercings? Two on either ear.
47. Tattoos? N-ah. I hate needles (and injections)!!!
48. Righty or lefty: Righty
49. First surgery: That must be the one on my gums/tooth. Damn milk teeth that were so much in love with me, they won't go and damn permanent teeth that won't come down the gums and damn the braces and damn the dentist. Btw, grossest thing ever, I could actually see the surgery being done on my gums..all the blood coming out..and.. *pukes* *recovers*. The dentist had a mirror on the ceiling!
50. First piercing: Read 46.
51. First best friend: Aditi Bhatia. Where are you, girl? I wish I could find you!
52. First sport you loved: Cricket!!
53. First pet: Read 25.
54. First vacation: I think it was Agra or something. I've seen these pics with reeeeally cute me in front of Taj Mahal. I love me! :D
55. First concert: Hrithik Roshan!!!!! Wow, that was the awesomest thing ever...I still remember..it was right after Kaho Ha Na Pyaar Hai and Hrithik Roshan had suddenly beome the heartthrob of the nation!!! And, my friend(read 2.) was SO obsessed..she wanted Hrithik and Amisha Patel to marry!! Hehe.
56. First crush: I've told you about it already!

RIGHT NOW:
57. Eating:Nothing. Do I look like a monster?
58. Drinking: Nothing.
59. I'm about to: hang Mr. Spiderman upside down so that I can kiss him when he takes his mask down. Muhahahaha. Sorry, I'm in a drunk mood and that was a joke. I don't kiss dummies. Muhahahaha. But I can.
60. Listening to: My brother talking to one of his stupid friends and his sister. He's SO stupid!! OMG. ROFL. He's trying to fool his friend's sister..telling her that I'm in class 1 or something..that he has a baby sistah. LMAO..Now he's telling her that my boyfriend is in third class or something..OMG he's so mad and SO SO vella, I tell you!!! Shit.
61. Waiting for: My brother to hang up on his friend and play Jazz Jack Rabbit with me! Kya hai..!! @#$%

YOUR FUTURE
62. Want kids? Very much!! Hehe..I have it all planned out. They're going to be the best kids ever!!
63. Want to get married?Totally..but only when I want to. Read 64.
64. Careers in mind? Chartered Accountancy , if I ever reach to the end of this long, long tunnel! After I get the degree, I'll earn lots of money in two years and will go to the US to study psychology. Where, btw, I'll also meet my dream guy. We'll marry and come back to India after the course is over. I'll be a psychologist and help people out with their troubles. Short term goal.


WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
65. Lips or eyes: Eyes...(T&C: The lips aren't too bad)
66. Hugs or kisses: Hugs..I'm a big fan!
67. Shorter or taller: Taller..would complement me.
68. Older or Younger: Older. I'm really old-fashioned.
69. Romantic or spontaneous: Both?
70. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice stomach.
71. Sensitive or loud: Loud..and hyper-excited ..Really really fun to be with!! I hate the sissy types..and that's all you get these days! Uff, recession!! (Hehe..I read this somewhere..Blaming everything wrong in your life on recession is a good way not to be depressed!) and He can still be sensitive inside (and outside..as and when required)!!
72. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship. D-uh.
73. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker!

HAVE YOU EVER :
74. Kissed a stranger: Dude, no! Hadn't you already guessed?
75. Lost glasses/contacts: Never got glasses. Love myself!!! 6/6 vision, baby.
76. Broken someone's heart: Uh, kind of. Am still dealing with the curse it put upon me.
77. Had your own heart broken: Kind of. Told you. The curse works, man, it does!
78. Been arrested: No.
79. Turned someone down: Yeah. (The person who's made this tag is totally psychic!)Well, that's what the curse is all about..kinda! He wasn't that bad, you know..I wish he wouldn't have asked in front of so many people..and even though he was lame, I wish I wouldn't have blurted out the next thing that came to my head..which was obviously an insult!
80. Cried when someone died: When Marissa died. :(
81. Liked a friend that is a girl? In a totally non-lesbian way, all. Du-h. Why would I be friends with someone I don't like!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
81. Yourself:Mostly
82. Miracles: Not much.
83. God: Very much.
84. Love at first sight: Kind of. *blushes*
85. Heaven: Yeah. I was in it a while ago..having the best chocolate truffel cake in the world! Muhahaha. Only the apsaras were missing. But then, I'm not much into girls.
86. Santa Claus: Heehee, totally! Santa, if you get gifts for me, I will, I promise!
87. Kiss on the first date? Not really. Unless the guy's like..Ranbir Kapoor or something!
88. Angels: Apsaras only.
89. Devils: Nae. Yamraj, though. I saw this movie with Jitender in it when I was small..and Yamraj was like the coolest person!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Nah.
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? RIGHT!! Whatever.
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Lots of times.
93. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Dude, I just got here.
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? ALL THE TIME.
95. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? Uhh..No comments.


ASSOCIATE WITH SOMETHING YOU WEAR:
96. White: Don't have much white. Um, yeah..the white three fourths I'm wearing in my DP.
97. Black: A long, really pretty black top I just got..makes me look so slim!
98. Red: A cool short Bossini T-shirt.
99. Pink:A long kurti I recently got. Love it!
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Another lame question?

I don't know many people here. And I don't know if they'll ever visit my blog to find this post. And yet, I'd like to tag Dreamer with a distinct vision, Anurag (I know you hate tags. Muhahaha. Mugambo laughs again!), Mads, Rahul and A Sawan.