Sunday, April 19, 2009

I-Pee-Hell is SO ON!!

Even though I'm sure as hell that an evil someone is piercing holes in a Voodoo doll version of me at a point very close to the edge (the one to the left side of the arm if I keep it palm-up and to the right side if I keep it knuckles-up) of the elbow hinge of my left arm and a point in my head right above my right ear, I still believe in the existence of a divine superpower, jinhe hum pyaar se, God bolte hain.

I know he's watching me. My every move. I knew it three winks after my freak accident last week when I fell straight on my back and my head and the back side of my limbs and all things in between from a swing at 1.00 a.m. in the morning. Why I was having a nice time doing a Tarzan at the swings at 1 in the morning is remotely important in this context. That it happened within a moment of me uttering just-a-little bad something for someone really bad is what is important. And I swear that was what made me see God - if only for a second there, in a ring of birds, twittering and multi-colored stars, revolving, right above my head, smiling that 'I told you so!' smile, I can tell you he was there. Just FYI, he's got a makeover..nomore looks the way he used to in the Bruce Almighty times. (And YAY!! I got pictures!!! :D :D :D See below.)
It was right there and then that I fully realized the greatness of God eyes - that could see ALL, every damn thing and all, at every single moment. Watching you, they're judging you, calculating and updating your Karma index on god(t) mini-mini-mini second by mini-mini-mini second and sure as hell, clearing your accounts bit by bit. As my thoughts flew in the direction of Mr. Heisenberg and his uncertainty principle, it suddenly rang a bell as to why he could not accurately measure the momentum and position of an electron in motion at one single moment. Because, however much we may think of ourselves, we are, still, humans, petty earthlings.

You publicly insult Sunil Gavaskar, an elder, apart from being one of the greatest cricketers in the history of Indian cricketers and even though you may have been one of the biggest idols of someone with a heart as pure as pure pasteurized milk for a very very very long time, payback is coming after you. And payback is a biatch, as we very well know. Your very own cricket team may ditch you on the field and bad. Your only two chances at scoring runs - Chrissy baby and Sir Mc Cullum may be out and about in no time. Your almost-captain dada may oh-so-unpredictably(NOT!!) get out in his most favorite caught-behind-the-wicket way, leaving you thinking why he wasted that many balls when that's all he could really end up doing. Howzzat??! Worse, you may even lose by eight wickets to last season's BIGGEST LOSERS in your very first match of I-Pee-Hell 2009!

Kal kya hoga kisko pata....

(To be continued...)

P.S.: I'm still a Shahrukh fan somewhere deep deep deep deep deep down..He just deserves this kinda spanking for his most recent slip-up!


P.P.P.S.: Damn!! My head!! Just hit the this Voodoo doll thing is driving me crazy!!!!!


Rahul Viswanath said...

ROTGL ..... Loved read the post .... Esp with Ganguly n SRK !!!

IcE MaiDeN said...

LOLZ... wht a read! loved it!! hehehe... !!!
(collapses in a fit of giggles)

Twisted Elegance.... said...

So now that you insulted SRK here I guess God added up this in your bad karma count and would soon punish you. Be careful!

Hopeless Romantic said...

LMAO.....this was damn funny....i am also a SRK fan but then i am even more ardent dada fan....n it was really disheartening to see that fucking asshole JB experimenting with captaincy....n they lost very badly yest ..n that too with deccan chargers...last team standing in last year IPL...nice post..well done:)

Chronicwriter said...

yeaaa. dada should be captain...

raahul dravid
and the oldies are showing that in sa pitches they have a role to play...

poor decision by srk

Dream'R said...

Dont tell me u just insulted SRK!!..U just dissed King Khan (glaring)!!...i dont see what he did wrong? his team, his money..he can do whatever he wants with it..who is Mr 36 runs in 60 overs anybody to talk abt it?!!..If you were told publicly that u r bein taken for a ride, how would u react??!!

back to the post..hehe...tussi bahut mazzaki ho ..hehe..i like i like..the voodoo doll, twittering God sab kuch except the SRK bashing..but oh well u were injured na toh i m lettin u off the hook ;-)


Anurag said...

U delhites suck :P

Mumbai Indians rock....

And yes dada should be captain :)

bondgal_rulz said...

Hey damn funny post !!

And I sooo love Sehwag !! Jeet gaye ji jeet gaye!!! *does bhangra* :D

I don't like SRK anyway, so couldn't care less.


Arun Philip said...

first comment:so hi! :)

IPL Fever lagi hain sab jagah, i c!

Now don't go making a voodoo doll of me now!

SRK? tch! let him do wtw he wants really doesn't bother him as he will be minting money :)

Dhanya said...

LOL! Funny post there, Siya! Loved it... and apna God has got a nice makeover don't you think ? ;)

Unknown!!! said...

It was hilarious!.. right from the start till end :)))
I liked the office cartoon :)

Siya said...

@Rahul: Hehe..thanks!! ;-)

@Annie: Hehehe...thanks!! OMG...are you fine?? :P

Siya said...

@Twisted Elegance: I still have years of liking shahrukh in my good karma'll probably save my ass!! XD

@Amit: Heh. Thanks! :D. I don't really think it would have helped much if JB would have gone for dada as captain instead..I mean, wahi ghisa purana way of getting out!!uff! Oh, and thanks again! :)

Siya said...

@Chriz: Would that have made a difference, really?? :-O :-O

@Amith: Yes, I did! Yes, I did! *does a tease-dance(whatever that means)* Shahrukh could really have been more polite, you know!! And now he's come up with a lousy way of apologising: " I love you sir, Mr. Sunil Gavaskar..I'm your biggest fan..and that one particular line I said wasn't for was a general statement..but the rest of what I said..surely was!! I think I should be more careful with the media all around me!!"

See, even he thinks he was reckless..(although..too stubborn to accept his fault..just justifying it!) NOW..what do you have ta say??? *evil grin*

Heehee..thanks for letting me off the hook! God's surely taking this're going to sweet sweet heaven! :D :D

Siya said...

@Anurag: Achaa? THAT we shall see!!!!!

@Isha: Heh..Thanks!!! I knowww...jeet gayeee!!!! *joins you in the bhangra*
Kya?? I HAVE TO care!!! If you dont like him..u must surely hate him naa??? Chalo..koi nai..I guess that statement just once again made the SRK fan in me resurface!

Siya said...

@Arun Philip: Hi! Nice to see you here! :) Okay..Here i have to defend him..NO!! It isn't all about minting money for him!! Naah..

SRK..We just had a fight..aren't on talking terms..we'll sort it out.. ;)

@ Dhanya: Thanks!! :D :D Yeah...totally..He's looking great!! ;)

Siya said...

@Unkknown: Ohh!! Thanks a ton!! :D :D
See ya around! The cartoon isn't my creation..just to clarify! The credits are right there!

neeraj_only said...

hey siya....acronym of IPL..."I-Pee-Hell"..haha,too much. ( gr8 innovation on your part )

btw..good to see one girl dedicating so much "space-time" for cricket. And that woodoo with that doll...don't become crazy :P

i'll try to be here more often ..inside "purple-hole"...carry on :)

Anonymous said...

Lovely makeover for God gurl!
I-Pee-Hell lolz! And I thought my Idiots-Puking-League was funny enough! Funny post girl!
But, I personally didnt like IPL. Too long. And I am not that big fan of cricket too!

Siya said...

@Neeraj: Thanks!! :D :D
I'm a BIG fan, you see!!
I'll probably posting a lot about IPL this whole month!!
See ya around!!! :D :D

@Ramya: Hehe..Thank you!! :D
Oh, Idiots-Puking-League is really witty!! LOL. :D :D

Aupsy-The cOOlest One!! said...

seems like m slowly getting the hang of ur blog, and m gonna stick around for a while... the voodoo doll was an interesting concept ;)
u've get an awesome grip on sarcasm(so much so that u can even choke it to death if u

Dr. Acula said...

@Ayushman: Guhhreat! See ya around, then! :D :D

Sarcasm? ME? I thought no one would say that...ever. *lets a silent sob escape*

Yes..choke it to death..I sure can..THERE!! Now I see the honest you!! LOL. :D